Barnabas Collins is back, and since this is Johnny Depp this time, it really Jack Sparrow on Zanax and in need of a manicure. Okay, I admit. Are not you going to see another movie about vampires. You are here to see Johnny and what he and director Tim Burton book.There will be some long stretches, so be patient. We
begin the long search for the final of a prequel that takes us from the
world's Mucky night in Liverpool in 1700, and plops us and Collins
family on the coast of Maine, where he uses his fortune to go to the
Fish Cannery business, accumulate a large fortune, build a huge castle and buy the American dream. Mitt is right. Corporations are people. In this case, really, really, terrible people.Here,
Barnabas rises to a semi-strange androgynous masculinity and runs afoul
of lustful slave grown in the dark with a strange name Angelique
(lustful Eva Green). Barnabas
rejects it, so take umbrage and moves to separate it from the human
existence with extreme prejudice: big chains, strong coffin, big hole,
and defines our hero down to the big Dirt Nap. But first, she drops her true love with a very steep cliff to salty.Flick forward to 1970 and meet a girl on the bus neat seeking to Maine. Victoria
("call me Vicky"), played by Bella Heathcote is on its way to
Collinswood Manor to become a governess for the very youngest of the
clan, the young David (Gulliver McGrath), who seems to be devoid of any
bad blood Collins.With
Vicky arrival, we meet the current residents, Charles Addams popular
fruit basket Collins: Roger (Jonny Lee Miller) and his son, who will be
Vicky and still smoldering and smoke Michelle Pfeiffer, who plays
Elizabeth, Dame of the court and a direct descendant of the blood. In
addition, there is a daughter Elizabeth, Simmering Lolita-ish (Chloe
Grace Moretz) and pre-teen, who is hiding some very hairy secrets
revealed, just when we need them.Not
to be missed is a fun family shrink Helena Bonham Carter, Dr. Hoffman,
who sucks the martini and mucks about in a wonderful red wig fear.Of
course, as expected, hilarious team in the process of building a new
McDonald's Collinsport, unearths our Barnaby, who returns to stir more
blood and confusion. Who says you can not go home again?His night journey from the grave to the court, because going through the city, is one of the best parts of the film. He
stops and stares, lurks and hides, teen crowd ogles at the local soda
shop, mixed with the traffic, is mesmerized by the asphalt, and
enchanted by the lights. Because it's almost Halloween, no one seems to be concerned about this creature.We are not surprised that the friendly witch Angelique has been busy while Barnabas was moldering in the grave. She, over the centuries, there were strong executive femme Sarah Palin, pledged to bring down the Collins House.There
are a few laughs, big and small, sprinkled here and there, mostly set
around the views of Barnabas, "a new world. He wakes lava lamp Chloe,
terrified by a toy troll dolls and tries to kill the TV image of Karen
Carpenter, kicking in the screen." Die little singer . "It is good to laugh.But
this Burton land, and we know we're going to get hit in the face with
some big effects, and upon arrival, mostly in the last 15 minutes. Children
who may have slipped into the audience, may be mistaken, or at best,
premature evacuation pixilated by the house, off-the-wall and
carpet-ripping sex scene between Barnabas and Angelique. Kama Sutra on crack. Zombies really know how to get it on with gusto."Dark Shadows", written by Seth Grahame-Smith, smoothly through all the cliches and one-liners at a snail's pace. All
players are masters, but Depp with his articulation of Vincent Price
and his wonderful "Nosferatu" the work of your fingers keeps us awake. When the host of our party is to have such an obvious, Delicious, good time, and not us?Remember, Jackie Earle Haley in "Bad Bears?" Haley became a cult figure in the last decade, and we are happy to see the jump here as a simple man to Depp.We also recall the wonderful music of the 70s was really. The Great Moody Blues opens the film "Nights in White Satin" and the Carpenter "Top of the World". Who could go for Moody Blues?Even Alice Cooper is on board as a featured attraction in a big ball Barnabas company. "It's the ugliest woman I've ever seen," exclaims our host.Burton's
film is an hour too long, but the music, visual tricks, Burton and
cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel, a wonderful cast, make it bearable. And do not forget, John Bush, set decoration. Artistry.
